You know when you’re afraid to ask a question because you already know the answer?
In my case, the question is whether or not I’m over training.
After my disaster of a 4-miler this morning: I’ll take yes for 500, Alex.
Insert exasperated exclamation here.
I think it starts with an increased and overwhelming workload. We are planning the biggest bluegrass festival in the world (not an embellishment), and it happens in less than a month, in another state. The list of “to-dos” and “MUST DO NOWs” never leave my mind, even when I sleep (work dreams stink/are lame), and the pressure to get things done and do them well is huge. And then there’s that marathon training schedule with the mileage increasing and almost at its peak.
Longer, more intense work days + longer, more intense marathon training days = non-stop non-stoppingness.
For instance, in the past five days I have: ran a total of 36 miles, practiced power yoga, strength trained with my boyfriend (who knows better than to take it easy on me at the gym), and lost track of my hours in the office. Moreover, I feel like an awful friend because I have had to consistently turn down “hang time” or even just basic “how is your life right now” catch-ups because of work, training, or being exhausted from both. Friends: I’m sorry. I’ll be back to life in October, I swear.
When I laced up for an easy four miles this morning I just. couldn’t. do it. Not even with the sun rising so beautifully on a Friday morning. Not even with the birds chirping. Not even at all.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to diagnose whether I’m feeling lazy/unmotivated or whether I really am over training or am fatigued. Some days I just don’t have the same get-up-and-go as others, but on those days, I push myself out the door and find myself enjoying the run after the first .50 miles anyway. Today, not the case. So I guess I have my diagnosis.
When I have “bad” runs or when I don’t feel on top of my game, I have a tumultuous battle in my brain over my willpower, overcoming myself, and getting over whatever is bothering me. When you’re fatigued, you have to give in and slow down, which can be just as much of a tumultuous battle if you’re stubborn like me, especially when running is one of the few outlets for stress and feeling overwhelmed that works.
For me, “taking it easy” isn’t so easy.
Another question I’m afraid to ask: When can I feel like Ass-Kicking-Name-Taking-Taylor again?
Because I refuse for the answer to be “not until the festival fat lady sings.”